Why do we think it is OK too ask someone their body count?

What even is a body count?

You've probably heard of the amount of kills in a video game be referred to as a body count. But have you heard about its second, sexual meaning? A body count is a slang term for the number of sexual partners you have had, more specifically how many people you have had sex with.

Has someone ever asked you what your body count was?

I seem to get this question ALL the time with people being extremely curious about my previous sexual encounters (like I’m sorry when did people get so obsessed with numbers!?). And to be honest, it often leaves me feeling quite uncomfortable, I mean does it really matter even matter? Yet this question isn’t just an uncomfortable one to get, it actually has a very problematic nature behind it. The term body count perhaps seemingly fun on the outside, actually reinforces purity culture and endorses slut shaming. It reinforces the notion that a woman’s worth is based on her sexual experiences as if somehow her worth is lessened due to her vast sexual encounters. Yet, men are praised for a high body count, as it confirms their masculinity as they are viewed as hypersexual.

So, if this question is so loaded with judgment, why is it so often asked?

I think it comes down to the human condition to be curious. And of course, being curious isn’t a bad trait, it's just important to be curious for the right reasons. A big part of being curious also means being open, so ensure if you are going to ask this question you are open to the answer. Be sure to ask and listen without judgement. Be open to the idea that the person you’re asking may not feel comfortable disclosing that information with you AND THAT IS OKAY.

What happens if someone asks me, and I don’t want to tell them?

Remember you have every right not to tell them and there are so many other things you can say instead of saying a number …

“Can I ask what you are trying to learn from that question?”

“Actually, that’s none of your business.”

“I’m confused, sex includes so much more than penis in vagina, so I don’t really know how to answer that question.”

“Okay, that is a trash question are you being serious?”

“Oops, I’ve lost count.”

“You keep count, wow.”

At the end of the day, the concept of a body count is a misogynistic tool to pressure women into feeling as though their value is based on their sexual experiences … which of course is completely incorrect. Hence you don't owe anyone an explanation of your body count, so never feel pressured into answering this question. Also don’t feel like you need to ask the question, I understand you may be curious but ask yourself “Do I really need to know?” and “Am I asking this for the right reasons?”. Too often the shaming of women for being sexually liberated is done through problematic language such as the term body count. So, let’s change the language to create a sexually liberated and empowered society.

By Alexis Pallister