What Is a Situationship, How Did I End up in One and How Do I Get Out?
Ah the classic situationship, when you’re with someone but you’re not officially dating but you're also more than casually fooling around. A situationship is somewhere in the middle, a romantic relationship that is undefined and, in many circumstances, lacks concrete commitment. Sounding familiar? Situationships are actually pretty common and sometimes you may not even realise you’ve slipped into one. Perhaps you’re not sure what you want currently and so a situationship works well for now. Or maybe you’re like me and started with clear boundaries around being casual but as time has passed those boundaries have blurred leaving you pretty confused about what’s really going on.
Some signs you may be slipping into a situationship are …
You haven’t defined the relationship.
There may be a lack of consistency with your situationship partner, and you only make short-term plans last minute.
You haven’t met their friends or family.
You feel confused by what’s going on.
You haven’t spoken about your plans for the future or just don’t think about the future with them.
Now let’s be clear situationships aren’t all bad, they do have some pros like elevating the pressure of formal dates. But they can also have cons, like leaving you feeling confused about what really is going on. Furthermore, what started off as a fun way to get to know each other without that dating pressure can quickly turn messy as one partner may want more than what is currently being offered. That’s why it’s so important to reflect on what you want and decide if a situationship is something for you and if it’s not that’s okay!
Now let’s be clear situationships aren’t all bad, they do have some pros like elevating the pressure of formal dates. But they can also have cons, like leaving you feeling confused about what really is going on. Furthermore, what started off as a fun way to get to know each other without that dating pressure can quickly turn messy as one partner may want more than what is currently being offered. That’s why it’s so important to reflect on what you want and decide if a situationship is something for you and if it’s not that’s okay!
So, I’m in a situationship but I think I want more what do I do?
First you have to know what you want, and don't want. You have to be honest with yourself and take some time to reflect on your situationship and how it makes you feel. If after this reflection you realise it's leaving you feeling trashy then leave it.
Understand that it’s okay to change your mind. Boundaries change, desires changes and needs change, it’s okay to start off wanting something causal and then realise you want more. But again, you have to be honest with yourself and decide whats best for you.
Communicate these new desires, wants and boundaries to your partner. This is the scary part, the part where you lay it all on the line and I’ll be honest sometimes you won’t get the answer you want but sometimes you might. And if your situationship partner doesn’t want the same, that’s okay but you have to do what’s best for you and your mental health. Be honest with them and honest with yourself, breaking off something which may be fun can be hard but if it's hurting your mental well-being, it's definitely not worth it.
By Alexis Pallister
