Let’s Talk Boundaries and Boundary Setting

What is a boundary?

Boundaries are guidelines or rules that a person creates within all relationships (yes, ALL relationships) to ensure they are staying safe and true to themselves. They are set by everyone within all kinds of relationships and are vitally important to ensuring healthy relationships are achieved and maintained. I like to think of boundaries as invisible lines, which help guide our interactions with others ensuring our values and safety are being respected.

How confident do you feel with setting boundaries?

Sometimes it can be super hard to set boundaries, especially with particular people! For example, I find setting boundaries with my work supervisors difficult. Saying ‘no’ to extra shifts to give my body rest and putting my mental health first is something I believe in. Yet when it comes down to it, I often violate my own views by not being able to effectively communicate and set boundaries with my boss. Communicating and setting boundaries can be difficult so let's take a closer look at how to do just that …

How do I set a boundary?

Firstly, think about your various relationships with your co-workers, friends, family, and partners and decide what it is you want out of each relationship. Then set boundaries based on what you want and clearly communicate these boundaries to yourself and others.

(1) Define the boundary. Clearly state what it is you are excepting.

(2) Communicate it. Communicate effectively and try to tailor your communication styles based on your relationship.

(3) Keep it simple. Try not to overcomplicate things, be direct and clear with what it is you are expecting.

(4) Set consequences. Reasonable consequences which will be executed are important to define to ensure the other person understands the weight of your boundary.

Tips and tricks …

When defining your boundaries, use 'l' statements and keep the focus on yourself. When communicating boundaries keep it simple and remember you don't need to over-explain things or feel like you even need to explain your new boundary! Another important tip is to remember to set reasonable consequences which you will actually follow through with if the boundary is broken. If not followed through the boundary is likely to be broken again, creating a vicious cycle.

By Alexis Pallister