Why Grace Tame's side-eye was so important

Have you ever been told to smile?

I remember the first time I was told to smile like it was yesterday. I remember the anger I felt and the raw emotion of being told that I would look prettier if I smiled. I was standing at the bar waiting for my drink, I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t happy I simply had no expression on my face. A stranger approached me and said, “Babe I’m sure it can’t be that bad, you know you would look a lot prettier if you smiled”. Disgustingly enough this man thought he was complimenting me, like telling me to smile was somehow going to convince me to continue a conversation with him. But the worst part was when he said those words, I smiled. Not because I was happy or because I was charmed but because at that moment I was lost for words as this man told me whatever emotion I was feeling was invalid and the only thing that mattered was me looking pretty for him. Sadly, my story is not unique in fact it is far from it. These particular encounters occur all the time for women and they need to stop!

Grace Tame’s photo sparked outrage, particularly by those conservative men who are often the ones to say such things in the first place. But Tame pointed out a larger issue at play here, one of extreme sexism concerning our gender scripts. Women are expected to be submissive, quiet, and pretty. They are meant to nod, smile, be complicit and most importantly silent. For far too long women have been constricted by these gender scripts, with their value placed on their exterior appearance. It's as though we simply exist to please the male gaze. Tame amplified this point in her photo. She told the world that her emotions about PM Scott Morrison were more important than her smiling and in turn being pretty. And once again got the conversation started.

Tame has been vocal in her criticism of the Prime Minister's response to sexual assault allegations within Australian parliament and beyond, and therefore didn’t hide the fact she was unimpressed, frustrated and upset with the Prime Minister. She also revealed her blank expression wasn't an act of "martyrdom" but the negative reaction to the photos was proof of how women are still expected to smile meekly amid a culture of sexism and misogyny.

Tames Quote stated "The survival of abuse culture is dependent on submissive smiles and self-defeating surrenders. It is dependent on hypocrisy. My past is only relevant to the extent that I have seen — in fact I have worn — the consequences of civility for the sake of civility,"

Being told to smile is really just one layer in this sexist, misogynist cake. Women are also often told that they are too much or not enough, that they're too angry or too sensitive. If I had a dollar for every time someone called me too angry, boy oh boy I would be a millionaire. But no despite what people have said I am not too angry. We as women are not too angry, we are not too sensitive and we do not need to submit to the backward, conservative gender script hauled onto us from birth. We do not need to smile to please your gaze and we do not need to hide our emotions or opinions to make you feel more comfortable.

So, I challenge you to break free of your gender script. Be unapologetically loud, take up space, say what is on your mind, be angry and never fake a smile to make a man feel more comfortable or in control. Let’s all take a page out of Grace Tame’s book and side-eye anyone who thinks they can tell us to smile.

By Alexis Pallister