The Consent Cycle

The consent cycle refers to the natural flow in which consent is acquired and understood. It involves 4 main steps which create a cycle, with consent being continuously asked and received.

How does the consent cycle work and how do I receive consent?

Step 1: Ask

Throw your preconceived ideas that consent is stale and static out the window, asking for consent is actually one of the hottest things you can do! And there are so many ways to ask:

At the beginning you could ask questions like …

“Can I kiss you?”

“Would you like to have sex?”

“Do you want to try something new to tonight?”

During foreplay or throughout the sexual exchange you could ask questions like …

“Does this feel good?”

“Should I keep going?”

“This is really hot for me, is it for you?”

Step 2: Listen

It is really important that when you are asking for consent you take the time to recognise and actually listen to what has been said. Don’t just hear what you want to hear, really listen to your partner. Listen to the words used and the tone of voice to decide if they truly want to have this sexual experience with you.

Step 3: Observe

Although reading someone’s body language is not enough to determine consent, it is an important factor to take note of. If your partner has closed body language and looks uncomfortable or disinterested regardless of what they have said they probably don’t want to have sex with you – so don’t force them or ignore these signs, as this is non-consensual sex.

Step 4: Repeat

As I mentioned earlier, this is a cycle and consent needs to be continuously attained throughout the duration of your sexual experience. Continue to ask your partner questions, make sure you’re listening to their words and observe their body language. Also remember if at any point you are unsure about your partners wants or they explicitly tell you they want a break or to stop, you must stop. So next time you’re unsure of how to ask for consent just follow these easy steps. As this consent cycle will ensure you are having exciting, steamy and consensual sex.

By Alexis Pallister