So, What Really is Virginity?
Growing up we were fed a lot of lies by a system that feeds on sexist and homophobic outlooks. The notion of virginity was arguably one of the biggest lies which was spun. Not only are the ‘facts’ surrounding virginity blatantly incorrect and misleading, but the consequences of this social construct also ignores sexual inclusion, is overtly sexist and promotes an immense amount of ‘slut shaming’. I was lied to and the so-called ‘facts’ led me to believe I must hold onto my virginity, as if it was the most precious aspect about myself, prompting a sex-negative mindset.
Before we dive into the consequences of virginity, I would firstly like to clear up some information surrounding the hymen. The hymen is a thin piece of mucosal tissue that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. The golden rule growing up was the hymen will break the first time you have sex, and that the hymen breaking would act as a marker that you had officially lost your virginity. HOWEVER, this is completely incorrect. Your hymen can actually break during other activities such as playing sports, riding a bike, or even inserting a tampon.
So, what does this mean for virginity tests? Well, there is simply no way you could use the hymen or any other part of the body as a physical marker of virginity, meaning there is no way to test for virginity. Now I’m just going to repeat that one more time as this issue surrounding the hymen seems to be so blurry.
THERE IS NO WAY TO TEST FOR VIRGINITY.
Not only are the facts surrounding virginity incorrect, but the implications of this social construct has promoted outdated ways of thinking and an overall negative mindset surrounding sex. The entire notion that virginity equates to purity and that women should wait until marriage is overtly sexist. While women having sex is deemed shameful, men engaging in sex seems to have a positive correlation. Not only does this promote a sex-negative mindset but it also places a women’s worth on her number of sexual partners. Let me tell you right now, NO one's worth should be placed on their virginity and this idea that women are somehow lesser than if they have sex is simply outrageous.
But this concept of virginity does not just hurt women, it also segregates those belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community as the concept of virginity is heteronormative. The loss of one’s virginity is seen as an act whereby a penis enters the vagina. Yet this is not the case for all. This notion that sexual intercourse is only PIV erases the experiences of anyone belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community and paints a picture that shows their sex as invalid. Again, let me tell you right now, sex can mean anything to you, and you don’t need a social construct like virginity (which is severely outdated) diminishing your experiences.
The concept of virginity is extremely harmful and prompts ideas that women’s worth come from their sexual experiences and heterosexual intercourse is the only way. These thoughts and ideas are so heavily outdated and have such negative implications on those who are caught in the firing zone.
I was lied to. The hymen is not a marker of my virginity. My worth is not simply based on the number of sexual partners I have had. Heterosexual sex is NOT the only way to have sex and I can identify as a woman and have a sex-positive mindset.
I urge you to reflect upon the lies you may have been told, question these social constructs which are so often shoved down our throats and educate yourselves so you can identify these myths. By identifying these myths we can irradicate the term virginity and teach the next generation about self-worth, sexual inclusion and facilitate a sex-positive mindset.
By Alexis Pallister
Image sourced from Canva
Information sourced from:
https://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/07/10/hymens/