Pornography – slowly poisoning young people’s views on sex and healthy relationships
Sex is a normal part of a healthy relationship and something that everyone of age should have the opportunity to enjoy when they are comfortable, however, with the internet making it easily accessible for young people to access pornography this puts unrealistic views of sex and relationships in the minds of young people.
These toxic views not only impact the way young people view sex but also the way they have sex as pornography raises many issues in young relationships regarding sex and how it should look, sound, and feel. Porn places an image of an ideal body type in the minds of young men and women. Women in porn are typically seen to be thin with large breasts, no pubic hair, and only one type of vulva with small labia despite 56% of women having larger inner labia. Men’s bodies are also depicted in a certain way in porn with most men displaying bulky muscles and large penises even though the global average length for a man’s penis is 10cm (3 inches). These body standards place major pressure on young people to look a certain way for their partners, leading to body insecurities in the bedroom. New York Times reporter KJ Dell’Antonia wrote a column addressing pornography’s impact on young people, Psychology Today wrote a piece on the article stated the article is “less about the exposure to porn but rather how easy it is for young people to access the “wrong kind of porn” as it means creating a “distorted representation of sex and body image for the female gender”.
As well as body image, porn also has an impact on young peoples relationships and sexual consent. Pornography erodes the vital step of consent by not showing these conversations that need to take place before sex, leaving them clueless on how to initiate a conversation regarding respect and consent during sex. Communicating is a vital part of not only healthy sex but healthy relationships as it helps build a foundation of trust and boundaries, this is especially important with young people as they begin to explore sex and what they may enjoy.
Despite many toxic aspects of pornography, it can be useful to some young people who are starting to discover themselves sexually and working out what they like as well as discovering sexual identity, if it is not mindlessly consumed. If young people are well equipped with the cognitive tools to enjoy pornography in a healthy way by being educated on consent and what’s real and what’s not, porn can be enjoyable. However, some young people are watching porn at an age where these tools have not yet been developed and these conversations have not yet been had, leading to not only toxic views on sex but also porn addiction and in some cases PTSD. Most statistics show that a child’s first encounter with pornography occurs between the ages of 10 and 11 and that this age group is accounting for one in ten visitors to porn video sites. The NPCC ChildLine found that one tenth of 12-13 year-olds were worried that they may be addicted to pornography. This report also found that “most children had stumbled across pornography unintentionally, having a damaging and upsetting impact on them mentally”.
As well as mental impacts on children, porn has eroded consent and changed the type of sexual violence and assaults that are occurring among young people in Australia. Dr Kim Farrington, a sexual assault physician in Perth Western Australia speaks about this on a podcast about the impact of pornography on society called “Fight The New Drug” and mentions that in recent years as porn becomes more popular her and her colleagues had been “seeing more anal assaults”, believed to be caused by growing popularity in pornography among young people, in the podcast Dr Farrington also speaks of something called “non-fatal strangulation” something that she believes is becoming common among her young teenage clients due to violent pornography.
Sexual urges are a normal part of life and young people should be able to explore this in a safe way without necessarily engaging in any type of sexual activity with a partner. Masturbation is a normal part of sexual urges and most choose to do this to pornography as a way to explore what kind of sex they may be interested in later in life. However, most young people don’t have the background education to support a healthy outlook on sex while enjoying porn. Leader of the “teacher us consent movement, Chanel Contos states that “We can’t stop 13 year old boys from watching porn but we can stop it from being their only form of proper sex education”. This statement highlights the need for open discussions around healthy relationships in the classroom, between parents, guardians and their children.
Schools make sex sound like a scary activity that will only lead to pregnancy and STI’s, what are young people supposed to think when the only other time they are exposed to sex is through online pornography with no counter conversation being had for them to fall back on? Schools should not be expected to cover the ins and outs of sex but should educate that sex starts with communication and consent and is for all parties to enjoy. Parents and guardians should have open conversations with their children, not to stop them from watching and enjoying porn but to educate them on the realistic side of a consensual, healthy sexual relationship.
Pornography is made to be pleasurable but without the correct cognitive skill set to deal with what is being watched, young people may get confused and begin to develop a toxic view around sexual relationships. Young women may be lead to believe they need to be submissive and not speak up about what they are comfortable with, and young men may believe that they need to know what they want and take charge of sexual situations. Although these kinds of sexual dynamics may be something some young couples may be comfortable with, this should be a conclusion that is landed on through healthy communication and not something that is assumed by unrealistic sexual stereotypes set by pornography.
By Laura Gilmore
