Unpacking the Man Box

Unpacking the Man Box

Genetically superior. Popular. Successful. Dominant. Brave. Rich. Strong. Playboy.

These adjectives describe what is known as the collective socialisation of men or 'the man box' which forces a toxic identity of masculinity on our men. This man box is filled with unachievable expectations of how men should be within our society. To be honest, reading many of those adjectives I’m not quite sure they are even within their control to achieve.

This socialisation of men, and what it means to be masculine, has resulted in a society that uses the phrase ‘boys will be boys' as a jail free card to avoid punishing men for inherently negative behaviour. These problematic messages which are spread through our society, institutions, media culture and porn culture result in a loss of identity for many of these men and perhaps even a loss of their life.

Lifeline Australia (2021) statistics present that on average, 9 Australians take their lives every day, 7 being men, making men 75% more likely to commit suicide.

These numbers are extremely concerning. Not only are the numbers alarming, but the blind eye society seems to turn on its role in the expectations placed upon young men, which is even worse. Ignoring the role in which we play in propelling violence and unhealthy behaviours is frankly unacceptable. Boys will not simply be boys; they will be what we teach them to be.

So how can we redefine this so heavily embedded toxic definition of masculinity?

Well, let’s start with conversations. An overly simple answer, yet I believe it has weight. Having conversations that go past defining toxic masculinity and explore society’s role in the socialisation of unhealthy expectations. Providing these young men with a safe space whereby conversation can be facilitated, and these men are listened to and felt heard. It’s about looking at ourselves, our values and beliefs and how they might be influencing those around us. How about we start providing alternative expectations for men and teaching them how to grow and flourish in a way which we can all be proud of.

It’s about calling out the media and porn culture for displaying overtly graphic and violent images, without any concern as to how it is desensitising our society. Let’s start having conversations with young men and validating their identity issues, supporting them as they remove themselves from the expectations of the man box, which have been pushed upon them. It’s about listening, teaching and supporting these men and providing alternatives when they don’t fit into society’s expectation of what it means to be a man.

Together we can evoke change and raise incredible young men, as well as providing support for these men who are so obviously crying out for help. We can go beyond defining toxic masculinity and create systemic change whereby men feel heard and accepted. The time for change is now, so let's start by having these much-needed conversations today!

By Alexis Pallister

Image sourced from Canva

Statistics sourced from Lifeline.org.au and Blackdoginstute.org.au