Toxic Positivity
When I first heard the phrase toxic positivity I was confused, I mean how can positivity be toxic? I was under the impression being positive was, well positive. After researching this phrase I quickly learnt toxic positivity is a very common and unhealthy belief. So, what does it actually mean?
Well, toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire a situation, one should remain positive and continue to radiate 'good vibes only'. Although it is appropriate to try to see the positives in life, being overtly positive and not recognising your own or others pain can cause a toxic outlook on life. It can also cause someone to avoid their pain and dismiss others distress, potentially causing more hurt.
Examples of toxic positivity are as follows:
“Think happy thoughts only.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Look on the bright side, it could be worse.”
These phrases are dismissive and can force someone to avoid natural emotions such as guilt, heartbreak, anxiety and fear. These negative emotions are part of the human condition and thus, should be acknowledged. Unfortunately, life is not perfect so there is no point in avoiding the pain, especially when acknowledgment of the pain can lead to a healthier outcome.
So what are some other ways can we deal with hardships, aside from pretending to be okay and radiating toxic positivity?
1. We should always try to acknowledge feelings instead of silencing them.
2. Always listen and offer validation instead of dismissing other’s emotions and situations. Here are some go-to lines to offer validation and support:
“It’s okay not to be okay and I am always here for you!”
“How can I help you through this?”
“That really sucks, how can I support you during this time?”
3. It is important to understand feelings are not mutually exclusive and can be confusing. You can be sad about a situation yet hopeful for the future. Although these emotions contradict each other, they can be felt at the same time.
4. You can be sad, confused or anxious, especially in today’s climate. Life has been tough with this pandemic and it’s important to be real and not pretend you are okay.
Don't get me wrong being positive is awesome but let's remember that it can also be harmful. Always remember to listen, validate and acknowledge both your own and others feelings. Being mentally healthy does not equate to radiating good vibes all the time. Pain, sorrow, worry and fear are all normal emotions, they're part of being human.
And remember, it is okay not to be okay. Don't pretend. Don't fall into the toxic positivity trap. Instead acknowledge, feel and validate emotions and situations. This will lead you to a healthier and happier outcome!
Listed below are a variety of helplines if you feel lost about how to cope with these negative emotions:
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Samaritans: 135 247 / Youth Help Line: 1800 198 313
Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800
Headspace: 1800 650 890
QLife: 1800 184 527
By Alexis Pallister
Image: Canva