So, Let’s Talk Consent
Consent acts as the foundation for sex. Without consent sex cannot take place. But if this is the case, why do so many people struggle to ask for consent? Have you ever heard people say, ‘asking for consent will ruin the mood’ or ‘consent can’t be asked in a way which is sexy?' Well, I'm here to tell you that both these statements are FALSE. Consent is sexy and can be asked in numerous ways which will actually enhance your experience by creating a safe and communicative environment.
Before we dive into how to ask for consent, there are some key things we need to know about consent! Consent should be freely given and is reversible meaning you can withdraw your consent at any time (and I mean any time). Asking for consent isn’t a simple one-time thing, it is fluid and should be seen as a conversation throughout any sexual encounter. Consent must be informed and enthusiastic, remember if it’s not a YES, it’s a no! And lastly, consent must be specific, so you know exactly what you are consenting to before you begin. Consent also cannot be given under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and you must be 16 to consent to engage in sexual activities in Western Australia.
Okay, so how can you ask for consent in a cool, sexy, and fun way?
There are a few different ways to broach consent. For example, you can ask directly:
Can I kiss you?
Do you want to have sex with me?
Would you like to have sex?
You can embed it into foreplay:
I think it’s hot when we …, do you want to do that?
Can I take your clothes off?
If feels so good when we …, do you want to do that?
Damn, you are so sexy, can I …?
Did you want to try something new?
Did you want to get naked?
You can also ask them how they want it:
Do you like this baby?
Where do you want me to go?
What would you like to try?
Are you comfortable with this?
How do you want it?
How far did you want to go?
Always remember to check in too. Consent is a conversation and can be revisited (it’s super-hot when someone checks in, so give it a go!)
How does that feel?
Are you okay?
Do you want me to keep going?
It is also important to be aware of non-verbal cues (BUT always remember consent must be spoken out loud). If you witness or sense any discomfort, make sure you who down and ask your partner if everything is okay.
There is nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable during sex, so do your partner a favour and ask them if it’s okay … remember, it’s much better to ruin the mod than make someone feel uncomfortable by forcing them to do something they are not into.
So, what if I ask for consent and they say no?
Respect their decision and leave it there. Do not try to convince them or coerce them into having sex. As we mentioned earlier, without consent sex cannot take place! It's much better to not have sex or have to masturbate than forcing someone and creating emotional and physical distress within your partner.
And finally please remember, BOTH people involved in sex SHOULD be ENJOYING IT! If it doesn’t feel good/right, communicate with your partner and try something different.
By Alexis Pallister
